January 2010
I feel funny when I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, cheek down on the leather of the coach. Cool and calming. I can hear the thud thud thud of the muscle in my ears, the blood rushing around. It’s fucking weird, and I can feel it in my stomach too and I pause my breathing and more clearly now I can hear the thud thud thud of it. It makes my head feel heavy, and I rub my eyes because...
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I give myself to a lot of people, and 99.9% of the time I get absolutely nothing in return. Sometimes it makes the cavity in my chest more noticable.
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Its one of those night’s where the cold is unbearable. The wind cuts into my face, and it burns and stings. I can almost feel it blistering my bones, the layers of clothes over my body don’t do anything. I catch myself thinking of a memory. From the summer,when the heat fell on the city and it was too hot to even breath. At night I feel as if every emotion is greater. The consant...
I have days where I fucking hate everything, and everyone. And I’m angry for no reason at all. I want to chain smoke and drink too much coffee, and ignore everyone and spend my time in my room alone drawing. But at the same time, my heart aches and I don’t want to be alone any longer. This goes back to my “Company” text I wrote a few days ago. Refere back to it.
Last night I dreamt I was in a burning house, and it was underwater at the same time. The flames were licking the ceiling, and I was trying everything to stop the fire. But it over powered everything, it overpowered me. I’m exhausted, and I’m ready to throw in the towl. Because there is two more days left of this winter break, and I haven’t slept through the night in weeks. My...
My head is like a dryer, it tumbles things and tosses them and they don’t stay still. My thoughts are thrown around, and I’m slightly thrown askew. It’s hard to explain this feeling, almost as if a cave is in the middle of my chest.. and some days it’s more noticable than others. Some days I can hardly breathe, and I find it difficult to say any words or form sentences. But...
Watchthis made me laugh pretty hard, Ben was trying to explain to me how well he coordinated his clothes. I caught the end of it.
I’m not doctering a hangover today, I think I’m too tired to be hungover. Plus I didn’t drink enough to feel sick today. I have this problem where when I drink too much, I have word vomit. I just spew out shit I wouldn’t ever normally say, only think. It happened a lot last night, as well as me peeing outside in the bushes. Now I’m hungry and tired.