December 2009
I want to ride a train in the city, I don’t want to get off on any particular stop. Nor get on at any particular street. I think I’d stay on all day long, and I would look out the window and paint pictures in the sky and trace the skylines into the window. It sounds like a good day to me.
who the fuck am I kidding? I’m not going to fucking sleep, Iam such a liar. “Goodnight”. No more like Iam going to sit on my mattress and wonder why the fuck I’m NOT sleeping rather then really sleep. So no.. Not goodnight. More like the night is a fucking clock, and time is suspended between 1am and 5am and it all melts together and I just stare at the numbers until my...
Company. That’s all I want. Someone to sit next to me, to drink with me, to fucking have regrets with. Company. Company. Not a friend, not someone to love. No fucking strings. Company. They’ll listen to my bullshit, and I will listen to theirs.
I usually despise the snow, it fucks the roads up. It’s freezing to the point where travelling outside for more than 10 minutes is a little miserable, it makes being a smoker 100 times worse. But tonight.. I came home and I was pissed I was back here, absolutely livid to the point where I wanted to scream. I refused to go inside like a fucking stubborn child, and I sat outside in the snow....
No, I refuse to close my eyes. I’m sick of the dreams I’ve been having, the ones where my my heart is beating wildly against my paper fucking thin ribs and my eyes are lidded. The ones where my real life is meshed fucked and broken with a dream world that seems realistic in the most fucked up of ways. No, I will not sleep. I will lay here eyes sewn open widely.
Songs with no lyrics paint pictures and you let the notes nessel into your cells, and you close your eyes and everything seems a lot clearer. Metaphorically speaking the fog is lifted for a few short moments, and your eyes see almost too clear. The pupils dilate and wonder fills your soul, you breathe heavily and your chest is filled with the utmost tension that seems unreal. You exhale, and the...
If I had a car, I’d just drive. Destination unknown, drive the lines. Fucking drive alone. The company unknown. Drive. The loneliness of the road will comfort me, and I won’t need anyone. The streets will turn and twist, and so will I. I’d run, I’d run in that car and I would not look back. But there’s no car, there is this life unrecognizable to my eyes. The hallow...
Stupidity
It came in waves, crashing against my eyelids. A mistake was made, and grown from it I have. The dirty garage, the floor of my bathroom, the dark encasing of my bedroom. The peak was terrible, the down fall of my sanity. My mind was fucked beyond the point of repair, not even the comforting drag of a cigarette calmed me. The night was a blur, and now as I lay here. I am numb.
EDIT: today left a...
Reflection
Totally convinced of something, when someone knows something about you and they know exactly what makes you upset. They fucking DO IT! It’s almost as if said person is testing you, and it’s so pointless. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Shit, this weekend was a damn fine weekend. But sometimes my frustration gets my head in places where it shouldn’t go!
And Then You
How my thoughts they spin me ‘round And how my thoughts they let me down And how my thoughts they spin me ‘round And how my thoughts they let me down How my dreams they spin me ‘round And how my dreams they let me down And how my thoughts they spin me ‘round And how my thoughts they let me down And then there’s you Then there’s you And then there’s you...
Hey
Fuck you Andover High School, you piece of shit. I’d rather cut my extremities off then attend one more fucking day in that building.
FINALS
So.. I thought maybe I’d be really focused, because I have NO distractions whatsoever.. but holy shit.. I have spent so much time doing NOTHING and being on the internet. Like where the fuck did all this cool shit come from? I need to fucking study! Not google antique maps and watch Bill Cosby stand up!
11:11
you
I miss you so much sometimes it makes me want to throw up
The only thing I legitimately dislike about my life, is the fact that I don’t have a fucking car. It’s so inconvienent and frustrating I could scream.
Things I Do That I Know I Shouldnt
1. Worry
2. Skip class during the week before finals
3. Procrastinate
4. Worry
5. Pretend I don’t care
This song may be cheesy, but I fucking love it →
you should read this book.
jarrodmatthew:
“She watched Chris kneel down beside the rectanglar mound, covered with its profusion of still-fresh flowers. She saw him run a finger over the chilled lips of roses, the hawked throat of an orchid. He stood up far more quickly than she imagined he would and came back to the car. But he went to her window and knocked for her to roll it down. “How come,” he asked, “there’s no...
December 9th, 2009
I guess no one takes me seriously, and when I say no one I mean no one. But see the thing is, I’m very serious a lot of the time. And they all just laugh it off, and call me out on being lame. I’d like to think that speaking about how I genuinely feel shouldn’t be criticized and made fun of. I’m not sure, but it really does hurt my feelings when someone says shit on it. I...
People who show no emotion, to me.. are the most fucked up.
they see me tublin', rebloggin'..
HAHAH EW SO IVE LEFT A SHOT SITTING OUT
jarrodmatthew:
FOR LIKE DAYS ON MY DESK AND THERES SOME WHITE LIKE POWDERY LOOKING POOP IN IT SO I BLOW AT IT AND IT DOESNT SEPERATE AND THEN SO I JAB IT WITH A PENCIL AND UNJAB AND IT LIKE COMES BACK TO THE SURFACE LIKE DRY AND CREEPY AND SHIT LMFAOLMFAO ITS SO GROSS I NEED A NEW SHOT GLASS
DRINK FROM THE BOTTLE, BRANDNEWBRANDNEWBRANDNEW. This fucking weekend it is going down. Bet on it sir.
Holidaze
I don’t really like the holiday christmas bullshit season. I’ll tell you why. It’s the saddest part of the year. Everything is ending, it reminds me of my grandma and it depresses me to the point where I feel the need to be intoxicated for the whole month of December just to make it through. It makes my family life even more ridiculous and stupid and I’d rather just...
Fuck Everyone Part One
This is a true statement, I fucking hate everyone.
THE END.
Fuck My Life
I woke up after sleeping for three hours.. now I’m wide awake.. and I’m freezing and I miss you.
“Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no...”
– 500 Days Of Summer
Things On My Mind Right Now:
1. You
Ben worked tonight, Alex is in LA, Mel worked tonight, Cody was going to Rose Hill.. and I really have no other friends than that. But really.. Whenever everyones busy (which 99.9% of the time they are on Friday nights) the whole WORLD feels depopulated.. I get so bored and lonely here.. you have no idea
